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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Expression beyond limitations.

Let's start off in the morning. Easier to run through every single detail so that i don't miss any.

Ryan hunted for me to be the right hand marker.
I kind of did a mistake cuz nervous. He was holding a stone aimed for my head. Or wad looked like it... hehee...
I've got no comments... Seriously... First time i did this mistake, never did it before...
AK took over and assembled all the prefects.

Haiz... Depressed... Early in the morning...
Then, after we dismiss, Ryan came and told me about the afternoon session complaining that I was there at their assemble and ordering them to stand under the hot sun.
No offence but, you want to be a prefect, you chose your assemble point, you stay in your line.
Even though it may be "hazardous" to stand under the sunlight, you ARE supposed to be IN your LINE. Since, it's so terrible and I know that Pondok Putera is being used by the hawkers since the canteen has been renovated, you guys still chose this place as your assembly point. If you guys already decided on that spot after justifying all the pros and cons, you should not even complain about the location.
What I saw there was prefects not only not in their line but also talking and the whole assembly was plain terrible compared to the probates.
Even though this is not my place to say this, but I have to express it anyway. If you seniors cannot show a good example now to your probates, sooner or later, they'll follow you. They'll act the same way you did and their probates will also do so and the next batch will do the same and so on.
What I said was: "Prefects, where is your line? (high tone but not the angry type)"
What Ryan quoted what I said there based on the complaint from the afternoon session:
"All of you stand in the hot sun together," (or something like this)
I was like what the hell....
Fell into further depression and there goes my entire day...

Let's not also forget that in my class, the students are hyperactive and can't sit down quietly.
4L, the "remarkable" class of SMK La Salle Klang, half of its students running crazily, pushing each other, banging tables, disturbing other students who are trying to do their own work.
Also, one of my friend, ND or that's what he like to call himself, asked Larry how to do an addmaths question. I copied down the question and did it in my History latihan book at the last page. As soon as I got my answer, I willingly share it with ND.
First thing I received was an extreme culture shock. That guy, took the book, said thanks.
Then, he TORE THE FREAKING LAST PAGE OFF MY BOOK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.
I was speechless... Seriously, he tore the last page which has caused me to tear the most front page (index page) later in class.
What the... Great, so this is how people say thanks for sharing education?
It's plain idiotic and you know what's his reply?
"Nevermind la, it's just a page"
Seriously, if I didn't learn how to control my anger over these few years, I would have allowed my anger to overtake me.

I swear, I will never help those who will not appreciate my assistance.
Those who don't want to help themselves, I am unwilling to aid.
Those who want to find conflict after conflict with me, I welcome you but beware of one thing, the results you are aiming for, it will backfire at you before it reaches me.
Simple: I help those who are willing to help themselves. Those who will not treat me like an instrument or a tool for achieving what they want.


Great, nearly went into an argument with my old but now new friend because of my stressed up day.
I seriously don't want things to return to how it was few months ago...
So to that person, I'm really sorry if I did hurt you.
I know that you're in a terrible state already with your social life.
And I fear I'm making it worse for your life...
I'm so sorry...

To Ryan,
Thanks a lot for telling me all those stuffs.
It will prepare me for the next year's board. (if i'm still in it)
I'm willing to be open to any criticism.
I will accept the justified truth.
And my promise to you, I've fulfilled it.

To be frank.
I'm quite jealous with my friends who have musical skills.
I've not been given the privilege to enjoy playing any instruments in my life.
What you guys have played, it really is an inspiration.
But I have barriers which I cannot trespass.

To Anonymous,
You've been quiet recently, very quiet.
I don't know what to do with you. You seem to distance yourself from specific people.
You said you're experiencing problems and you're not talking to "everyone".
But from my observation, I can see that you EnJoY talking to other people.
You talk and you're happy with others whereas you're not willing to talk to us. So what do you mean by everyone?
Your "everyone" has me categorized in it along with two of our friends.
Seriously, that's the truth right?
I may not be a profesional in social life, but I can see things in different ways.
And seriously, when one of our friends wrote the poem, why do you have to ignore it?
It was for you.
No offence but...
Don't act and say "I don't give a damn". It hurts... It really does...
And our friendship is always inconsistent.
First, we're friends. Second, we had conflict. Then, it lasted for 3 months. Afterwards, it returns back to normal. Then after 2 weeks, another conflict began and 4 months later it is normal then in just another week, boom another conflict...
*People are trying to be your friends.*
*But you seem blind not to see it.*

Seriously, When Will SMK La Salle Klang Stream Its Students? I Can't Wait To Be Rid Of Students Who Don't Intend To Study But Play A Fool In School And Cause Havoc While Ruining The Reputation Of The First Class.
Their demeanour has caused me to reconsider, is it even worth getting 7As for PMR?
Yes it is, for my parents. I'm more than willing to ensure I get it for my parents to be proud.
No it isn't, not for this class. The best class or supposed to be is filled with students who have achieved 7As and above but with the utmost "remarkable" merits and discipline.
I've experienced changes.
My family has noticed it already.
My family is proud, yes. I'm happy with that.
But the problem here is, if I'm in the class, I'm no different than my classmates.
I feel as though I don't deserve my family's praises.

Also another thing,
Hari Anugerah.
I have a friend who doesn't intend to go because of the attitude shown by those famous students in our class.
In raptai, it was already that bad. When it comes to the real thing, it will be worse than raptai.
All I have to do, is to go there and make my parents happy. That's my only reason. Other than that, I'm not interested.
The money, the certificates. These are futile necessities of mine.
Seeing my class this way, I regretted studying hard to achieve 7As.
Because of this, my overall opinion on my achievement has changed.
Questions like:
"So what? 7As dai sai izzit? Getting 7As doesn't mean you're smart. Hey! I'm getting the same thing like what those people are getting and I'm no different from them."
It humiliates me... It made me angry... My achievement no longer matters.
It's just another factor to have me stay in a class which I cannot accept.

It's really sad....

-JaSoN-

Ryan Chua, Colonel all the way~
No.. Seriously.. Ryan has taught me more than I can ask for.
Thanks...

*Hope I didnt go overboard...*

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